Angels

What I’m Listening To: Lana Del Ray ~ “Once Upon A Dream”

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I listened to Lana Del Ray’s version of “Once Upon a Dream” last week when I went to see Maleficent. It was a magical song when I heard it as a child — this version is hauntingly beautiful.

Dreaming of those we love offers comfort not only for us for them as well.

Have you dreamed of those who have passed? Did you find it comforting? Please share your experiences.

Lana Del Ray ~ “Once Upon a Dream”  Lyrics

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
And I know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you’ll do
You’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream

But if I know you, I know what you’ll do
You’ll love me at once
The way you did once upon a dream

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you, that gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
And I know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you’ll do
You’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream

Signs and Messages: Play A Song On The Radio

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I was surfing through iTunes looking at music when I came across a song that reminded me of an Afterlife Communication with Derek that I thought I would share

August 2012

I had taken off about a month from work when Derek passed. And upon return, every night I would get into the car to commute back home, the song “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston would play. It didn’t matter what station or time I started the car, 6PM, 7:30PM or on the rare occasion 4PM, as soon as I turned the ignition Whitney was starting her song.

I had heard before that our loved ones would use the radio as a method of communication. And while it had always been a favorite song of mine, in that moment, I didn’t want to listen to lyrics that made me feel that Derek had to leave to let me move forward and get something in life that I was missing. I was happy and wasn’t missing anything in life except now my twin soul and my future life and family.

After the 10th time of that song playing, I put the car in park and screamed “Enough! This is not the message I want to hear. I don’t want a song from the Top 20 playlist of songs that spirits can send to their loved ones, I want the song that Derek sends to Val to let her know it will be okay. Because I am not ok.”

The next day, I got into the car bracing myself to listen to Whitney again, but this time another song floated in the air. It wasn’t a happy song but it was a true song — a letter from his heart to mine. It would be the one of the beginnings to many radio messages I would receive from Derek. But in that moment I knew that he was okay and listening.

 

What I’m Reading

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As I mentioned in a recent posting, while I have not been writing much over the last few weeks, in the period of “abstinence” I have been reading several books on various topics nonstop.

The interesting thing about all of this is that since Derek’s passing, I’ve found it extremely difficult to concentrate on anything for too long nor am I able to hold my thoughts together without having to write them down mulitple times on paper. Yet all of these issues disappear when I am reading.

Below are three book reviews by renowned mediums whose personal stories and experiences brings insight to those grieving or who have questions about death and the afterlife. Please note that I will share reviews on the other four books, with a different focus from this grouping shortly.

Never Say Goodbye: A Medium’s Stories of Connecting with Your Loved Ones ~ Patrick Mathews

Renowned medium, Patrick Mathews’ shares true stories from his readings to illustrate how our loved ones never die. In fact, they benefit from communicating with us just as much as we do. This book also provides an understanding and guide into how to open our hearts and minds in order to connect with our loved ones through meditation and practice lessons.

Psychic Intelligence ~ Terry and Linda Jamison

Upon first glance it can easily be thought that this book’s sole focus is on how to become a psychic. While “Psychic Twins” Terry and Linda Jamison, provide insight into how we can communicate with our loved ones through the development of either our Clairvoyance, Clairaudience, Clairsentience, or Claircognizance, this book provides a wonderful understanding of how to develop our own personal strength.

The change in our lives as a result of a loved one passing on, is scary. The fear of letting ourselves feel whatever we need to feel leads us into becoming emotionally numb. By honing in on the quiet, still voice inside each of us we can slowly heal ourselves while enhancing our intuition.

Heaven and Earth~ James Van Praagh

When a loved one passes, we start questioning “the mysteries of life and death.” Through real-life testimonies and stories, medium James Van Praagh, provides clarity on some of our questions as well as shows us how to open our awareness to those on the other side. Per Van Praagh, we are all naturally blessed with psychic gifts. This book invites us to discover our talents and intuition allowing us to strengthen our relationships with our loved ones on the other side.

Signs and Messages: Dragonfly

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They that love beyond the world
cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies| William Penn

I had originally intended to make tonight’s posting about two books I have been reading — Heaven and Earth by James VanPraagh and Psychic Intuition by Terry and Linda Jamison. However as I started to type, I felt the need for some background noise and decided to look for a movie to watch. So, it wasn’t just a coincidence that I would open the video cabinet and see the movie title, Dragonfly staring right at me.

Since Derek’s passing, I’ve been graced with the presence of dragonflies. An insect that I may have seen only a couple of times in my lifetime, has been appearing everywhere — in front of my home, darting around the car as I commute to work; I’ve even seen them in the city.

Dragonfly at Bear Mountain

Their presence has been so noticeable I had to look up their symbolism: Dragonflies are a symbol of spiritual awakening, rebirth and immortality. When mating, dragonflies form a heart shape so they are also a symbol of love. The spirit of love is evident in this film.

In the movie, Kevin Costner plays, Joe Darrow, an Emergency Room doctor mourning the death of his wife in a bus accident in South America. Overcome with grief, he begins seeing signs of his wife trying to reach to him from beyond the grave — some of it revolving around a dragonfly which was representative of a birthmark on his wife’s shoulder and was her totem.

As  Joe, who is an atheist, tries frantically to make sense of it all , his colleagues and friends begin to worry that he is losing his mind. In a pivotal scene in which Joe is tying to make sense of everything, his close friend, Miriam (played by Kathy Bates) tells him, “You gotta do the hard stuff, like I did. Like everyone does. You gotta clean out the closets, empty the drawers… and take down the vacancy sign that says “Emily’s ghost is welcome here”…and get on with your life without her.”

Even when others tried to stop him, he persisted in the belief that Emily was reaching out to him.  As he began “opening his mind and heart to faith”, he was led to a small village in Columbia where he discovered that his wife had given birth to a child before she passed. When he sees his daughter he realizes that she too has a dragonfly birthmark. Had Joe listened to the ego instead of his intuition, we would have missed his miracle. “What she (Emily) taught me in life, she taught me in death…to trust, to have faith. Because as a friend of mine once said, “It’s belief that gets us there.””

Our loved ones are always around to support us with their love and guidance. However it is only when we put ego aside and believe that we are able to see their signs.

Derek used to tell me that we were a “power-soul” couple. While it is suggested that we have multiple soul mates in life, he knew that it has always been just the two of us through all of our lifetimes and that our love in this lifetime would be so strong that it would radiate beyond death.

Since, the moment of Derek’s passing he has been giving me messages of love and has been guiding me towards a journey of spiritual awakening. While the sadness and pain of his loss is very real, the last three months have been a miracle. I am blessed to have a guardian angel who has never left my side and who blesses me with signs and messages that re-affirms that love never dies. He is helping me to find my life’s purpose and to live life as authentically as possible. Had I listened to others and just moved on I would have missed this miracle. Because of the strength of our love I never faltered in faith, and because of that I see life differently — I feel life differently. I see and feel how our paths and its actions and inactions are all interconnected.

Even in spirit, Derek always has his arms wrapped around me and I welcome it with extreme gratitude. I feel his physical loss everyday, but I’ve learned that in death a new life comes into the world. In Derek’s passing, a new life of love has been born through me that continues to amaze me. “Love Never Fails” whether in this life or in the next and it is belief in the power of that love that gets us there.

What I’m Reading: The Afterlife Connection ~ Dr. Jane Greer

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Following the passing of her mother, with whom she was extremely close, Dr. Jane Greer shows how transcommunication with our loved ones can offer therapeutic healing. Simple exercises can help us to open our hearts and minds allowing us communication with those on the other side bringing to some relief and moments of peace.

Hanging By A Thread

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In need of getting some fresh air to clear my mind, I went down the block to Nyack Beach. This weekend has been a difficult one for me as I feel Derek’s physical absence more than I have within the last 2 months. Someone once described the loss of a husband/partner with the loss of a limb. You can’t see it — but you feel the limb as well as the incompleteness of it being missing. It’s a terrible mental and emotional pain that doesn’t go away.

The “beach” which is really more of a hiking/bike trail with picnic benches lies next to Hook Mountain and is adjacent to the Hudson River. It’s always been a favorite Sunday ritual for Derek and myself to walk along the paths snapping pictures and enjoying each other’s company.

I picked a quiet picnic table to sit and read my new book — The Afterlife Connection, which examines a psychotherapists’ experience with afterlife communication and how our bond with loved ones is not just psychological. I was on a chapter that discussed how our loved ones are always around to provide signs so as long as we are open to the connection and can recognize their signs when sent. As I began reading a case study on a young woman reaching out to her father in spirit about a career decision, a bee landed on the book and started moving side to side as if it were reading the page with me. Not looking to get stung, I gently tilted the book down for the bee to move away. Instead of flying off it moved up and started walking up my arm — my instant reaction was to stand up which prompted the bee to fly away. If Derek were with me he would have instructed me to have my Off fan with me; with the reminder of him not being there to tell me this I began cry instantly. “I can’t do this anymore…I’m hanging by a thread, Derek. I need you.”

As I start wiping the tears away I noticed a few autumn leaves falling to the ground. I looked up and saw what appeared as a branch hanging in mid-air below a tree. Upon, closer inspection, the branch was hanging on some type of string. Maybe it was a fishing line that somehow became tangled with the branch and the tree or maybe someone put it there (although I don’t see what the purpose of doing that would have achieved). Whatever the reason, this branch remained as part of the whole tree and moved ever so slowly and gracefully even as the leaves were blowing against the strong morning wind. “Hanging by a thread”, the branch wasn’t in danger of falling. And I wouldn’t be in danger of falling as long as I held onto Derek’s hand. I smiled and whispered, “Thank you for keeping me from falling.”

Welcoming a Soul Back Home

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“I dropped a tear in the ocean, and whenever they find it I’ll stop loving you, only then.” | Anonymous

Why are we drawn to the Ocean? Is it the salt air or the sound of waves crashing against the shore? Or is it the wonder of its vastness and sight of a boundless world filled with life and mystery? For Derek the ocean was his home as it provided a source of freedom.

Atlantic City was Derek’s favorite place. He loved watching the life of the boardwalk — there were people dancing, eating with friends, going on rides at the carnival, taking pictures, running or quietly sitting on a bench patiently waiting for their next adventure.

We traveled to Atlantic City often — sometimes for a few hours or for a couple of days. Where there was water, Derek wanted to be near it. It was therapeutic for him and I just loved sharing those moments with him. During one of our trips to A.C., an elderly woman approached us asking us about a building that lay at the other side of the beach. As Derek started to explain, he stopped to look at the woman and asked to take a picture of her. She hesitated for a moment but then kindly obliged. He took several pictures and as he put the camera away he just started smiling at her. He asked the woman if she would stay and talk for a bit and over the next hour we stood listening to her story of how she came to America from Austria, moved to Seattle, Washington as she was in an interracial marriage and at the time it was one of the few places that made them feel welcome. She would later divorce this gentleman and raise her two children to New Jersey as a single mother and would work in one of the government buildings at the former World Trade Center. On the day of the 9/11 attacks, a voice told her to take a day off and go to Atlantic City. Now retired, she makes trips to A.C. to mediate. When she finished her story, Derek thanked her and gave her a hug. When he asked for her name, she said that she would give it the next time they met again. Almost knowingly Derek  said that it was a date and they would continue the conversation the next time he returned. With one last smile, she blessed us and remarked how beautiful it was to see us finally together and how our love would last through eternity. As she left and moved onto the boardwalk we almost couldn’t believe how quickly she was walking — it looked like she was becoming younger with each step as her body straightened up. When we could no longer see her, Derek took my hand tightly and said “We just met my guardian angel.”

That was the last time Derek would physically visit Atlantic City.

I asked a girlfriend to accompany me to Atlantic City on Sunday as I knew that he would want to be near the ocean again. It would be the first time traveling back there since Derek’s passing however as soon as I arrived it felt like home. All of the memories with Derek poured over me like love.

The morning before I left, my girlfriend and I walked out to the Tropicana, his favorite hotel, and walked out towards the beach. The day was overcast and a little windy. The cold water welcomed me as I walked into it silently releasing my wishes for Derek and a small container with his ashes in it. As if returning a “Thank you” the sun came out and shone brightly over us.

“Maybe Derek will swim to Europe.” my girlfriend said smiling. I jokingly replied that the currents would bring him to Bali — one of the last places he was wanted to travel to because it was so warm. As I looked out toward the horizon, I knew wherever he was going, he was with his guardian angel.