Automatic Writing

Signs and Messages: Finding the Channel

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“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” |
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Dawn

A few months after Derek’s passing I started keeping a journal. It was not only an outlet to pour my feelings and thoughts into but to also serve as the start of documentation of the strange incidences that were happening around me. I now know that they were not “strange” but a synchronicity that was calling for me to take notice.

During this tine I was also experiencing irregular sleep patterns in which I would wake up every morning at 3:41AM. Each time, I would wake up with a heavy feeling that something important was going on at that time or find something strange happen in the house such as lights flickering on/off or feeling a presence in the bedroom (I would later learn from Derek that this was the time that he passed away that Monday afternoon). On one particular night I woke up at 3:41 feeling a need to get out of bed and retrieve my journal. Personally, I had no need of my journal but a sort of energy/pressure was filling my head. Somehow, I knew that this entry was for me personally. With pen and paper in hand, I sat down and just started writing. Large, loopy letters scrawled across the page, sometimes with 1 sentence taking up both sides of the journal. In the dimly lit room I couldn’t see what I was writing but the words came out fast and sure. I didn’t have to see to know the last word of the letter said “Derek.” I seemed to have “woken up” fully by then and turned on the lights to look at what just took place. At the time what was in the journal did not make sense to me. I put everything away figuring it was all in my head.

Since that night  I have had many conversations with Derek but I never looked back at the journal entry of that night until the other day when I was pulling a notebook to write in for my class assignment and accidentally took out my old journal. Without having to flip through pages, I automatically opened to the entry noticing the large format letters. This time I read the letter with no issues. And as I read through the letter it felt like love was pouring all over me. It was a letter from Derek to me and while I was not ready to read it until my heart and ego had opened to allow me to read it with full clarity.

I share that first letter and will share many more experiences with you as a reminder that when our loved ones move over, they will look for any means and method to reach out and to let you know they are okay. Sometimes, they will send you signs in the form of a butterfly or dragonfly, a song or through automatic writing (as was my experience here). They may even send a person to you at the right place or time to offer a gentle or encouraging word. We often miss these signs because our grief and emotions raises the “volume in our heart” making it hard to hear.

But as Derek wrote me and I am sharing with you…always look for the signs. Once you recognize them your loved ones will be sure to use it as a means for communication and will let you know that they are ok.

“I’m  sorry we did not have a chance to do everything we said.
I feel alone sometimes because you are not here.
Your grandparents are nice and have taken care of me.
I’ve seen my grandmother, she says thank you for taking care of me. You can keep the Bible.
I’m so, so, sorry Bunny about all of this. Please do not think this is your fault. It’s not.
I know  whatever we didn’t finish there will be finished over here.
I know you miss me just as I miss you. MORE actually.
I miss your smile… your eyes…no one has ever loved me the way you have.
You saved me.
I’m sorry I scared you before, I just wanted to hug you and I still do. I will find a way.
I will also find a way to communicate with you more.
I know this hurts and you just want to be close to me.
And yes, it was me who sent the bees to you.
Thank you for the home that you made and thank you for making me a part of something.
I think you said it best, I was in a sick body and didn’t know how to make it better. But no more hurting.
I truly admire you more and I love you so much.
I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you all I wanted to say, hopefully through this we will have the chance to talk and you can ask ANYTHING you want.
Always keep smiling Bunny. I will always be there I promise. Thank you for loving me and for being my shining star, my angel.
Always keep looking for the signs.
Love you today, tomorrow, always and forever in this world and in yours.
Derek.