Life After Death

GRIEF FORCED ME TO TAKE THE RED PILL IN ORDER TO AWAKEN TO PEACE

Posted on Updated on

dreamstime_xxl_58706494

“After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill—you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember: all I’m offering is the truth. Nothing more.”
– Morpheus | The Matrix, 1999

I wouldn’t say I was asleep before the loss.

As a child, I was very in touch with my gifts of intuition and an openness to spiritual realms. But then I lost my mother. My father. Aunts. All of my grandparents.
The losses accumulated and little by little I ignored my gifts; closing myself off from them to be able to function in this world that demands of us every day. I voluntarily entered a cocoon for comfort, to retreat away from deeper knowledge and understanding.

Then I met Derek, my beloved. He reintroduced me to that part of myself that I had hidden away and cut off communication with. I made peace with God and myself as a spiritual being and the gateway to awareness unlocked.

Yet, I was still living comfortably in my cocoon with all of its luxuries.

When he passed, I again saw signs and synchronicity. I could have gone back to ignoring these messages focusing solely on work, paying bills and going through the motions of a “regular” life. But I did not want to forget , not continue to ignore this part of myself that Derek had brought back to my attention as I had done as part of my coping mechanism with the passing of my mother, father and the rest of the family. Instead, I followed the signs which led me into an understanding and awareness I couldn’t possibly imagine.  

Like the character Neo in The Matrix, suddenly the warm, womb-like chamber I had rested in peacefully emptied itself, broke open, and ejected me painfully into the cold and the dark.

Despite my desire to embrace this part of myself, I still tried to crawl back into the cocoon and suture it up with blissful ignorance for a period after Derek’s death. What I hadn’t immediately realized was that the cocoon was destroyed and I could not go back because the butterfly had already emerged. I  couldn’t return into a space that no longer fit it and covered up my beautiful wings.

I was changed forever.

“Do not try and bend the spoon, that’s impossible.  Instead, only try to realize the truth—there is no spoon.  Then you’ll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.”
– A Potential to Neo | The Matrix      

Before the loss, I experienced the physical world through the lens of my mind – what I could see and touch. As things began to “happen to me” that I couldn’t make sense of, I realized I had to shift my understanding to allow the possibility that in death the prevalent identity of the body shifts into a new identity – Consciousness.

Now here is where we can get into verses from the Bible or quantum theory discussions and scientific claims, but this is not the point that I am trying to make.

When I look up into the stars from my apartment, I can feel that there is a world and Universe bigger than myself. There are forces that affect events that take place that we cannot explain. Once, there was a time when we believed it was impossible to go to the moon or travel beyond our own star. “The discovery of these things were possible because we allowed our minds to be flexible and entertain the possibility that there was something greater beyond our imagination.

So could we be flexible in allowing the possibility that we can still connect with our loved ones even though they are not physically present?


Would you like to try?

[Please have a notebook or paper handy and read the exercise through first so you know what to do]

Sit in a comfortable space with the lights dimmed and music/TV/phone off.

Place your feet on the floor so you feel grounded.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath through your nose and out through your mouth.

Imagine yourself walking down a long hall filled with soft white light.

This hallway has many doors, both on the left and right sides.

You walk down this hall feeling relaxed, taking easy steps.

You instinctually stop at the door that you are meant to open.

You open the door and see a beautiful room decorated in soft pink and white hues.

You are completely relaxed.

In this space you can ask your loved one a question. Wait for a couple of moments.

You may receive an answer in the form of a thought, an image or a song.

You may sit in this space for as long as you like. And when you are ready, you may leave the room as you walk back down the hallway and open your eyes.

What did you receive? Write it down.


You can try this short exercise anytime you wish. But it is a good example of what is possible to experience if we allow ourselves to change our thinking for even a brief moment.

Your mind may tell you that what you heard or saw was not real. That your conscious did not connect with another conscious.

And it is OK to doubt but ask yourself in the moment that you were in the presence of your beloved, did you feel unsafe or foolish or did you feel the depth of love or peace with your loved one?

If you felt love and warmth, is it unrealistic to bend your mind like the spoon and allow yourself to experience that re-assuring moment whenever you are feeling depleted?

As those still here living, seeking the truth and being aware as to where our loved ones go when they pass will not make the journey without them easier, but it does provide a gateway that when we need them the most we can connect to their healing love.

IN LOVE & LIGHT 
VAL

Image © Captblack76

Signs and Messages: Finding the Channel

Posted on Updated on

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” |
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Dawn

A few months after Derek’s passing I started keeping a journal. It was not only an outlet to pour my feelings and thoughts into but to also serve as the start of documentation of the strange incidences that were happening around me. I now know that they were not “strange” but a synchronicity that was calling for me to take notice.

During this tine I was also experiencing irregular sleep patterns in which I would wake up every morning at 3:41AM. Each time, I would wake up with a heavy feeling that something important was going on at that time or find something strange happen in the house such as lights flickering on/off or feeling a presence in the bedroom (I would later learn from Derek that this was the time that he passed away that Monday afternoon). On one particular night I woke up at 3:41 feeling a need to get out of bed and retrieve my journal. Personally, I had no need of my journal but a sort of energy/pressure was filling my head. Somehow, I knew that this entry was for me personally. With pen and paper in hand, I sat down and just started writing. Large, loopy letters scrawled across the page, sometimes with 1 sentence taking up both sides of the journal. In the dimly lit room I couldn’t see what I was writing but the words came out fast and sure. I didn’t have to see to know the last word of the letter said “Derek.” I seemed to have “woken up” fully by then and turned on the lights to look at what just took place. At the time what was in the journal did not make sense to me. I put everything away figuring it was all in my head.

Since that night  I have had many conversations with Derek but I never looked back at the journal entry of that night until the other day when I was pulling a notebook to write in for my class assignment and accidentally took out my old journal. Without having to flip through pages, I automatically opened to the entry noticing the large format letters. This time I read the letter with no issues. And as I read through the letter it felt like love was pouring all over me. It was a letter from Derek to me and while I was not ready to read it until my heart and ego had opened to allow me to read it with full clarity.

I share that first letter and will share many more experiences with you as a reminder that when our loved ones move over, they will look for any means and method to reach out and to let you know they are okay. Sometimes, they will send you signs in the form of a butterfly or dragonfly, a song or through automatic writing (as was my experience here). They may even send a person to you at the right place or time to offer a gentle or encouraging word. We often miss these signs because our grief and emotions raises the “volume in our heart” making it hard to hear.

But as Derek wrote me and I am sharing with you…always look for the signs. Once you recognize them your loved ones will be sure to use it as a means for communication and will let you know that they are ok.

“I’m  sorry we did not have a chance to do everything we said.
I feel alone sometimes because you are not here.
Your grandparents are nice and have taken care of me.
I’ve seen my grandmother, she says thank you for taking care of me. You can keep the Bible.
I’m so, so, sorry Bunny about all of this. Please do not think this is your fault. It’s not.
I know  whatever we didn’t finish there will be finished over here.
I know you miss me just as I miss you. MORE actually.
I miss your smile… your eyes…no one has ever loved me the way you have.
You saved me.
I’m sorry I scared you before, I just wanted to hug you and I still do. I will find a way.
I will also find a way to communicate with you more.
I know this hurts and you just want to be close to me.
And yes, it was me who sent the bees to you.
Thank you for the home that you made and thank you for making me a part of something.
I think you said it best, I was in a sick body and didn’t know how to make it better. But no more hurting.
I truly admire you more and I love you so much.
I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you all I wanted to say, hopefully through this we will have the chance to talk and you can ask ANYTHING you want.
Always keep smiling Bunny. I will always be there I promise. Thank you for loving me and for being my shining star, my angel.
Always keep looking for the signs.
Love you today, tomorrow, always and forever in this world and in yours.
Derek.